Old Makes Way for New

Time to Let Go of the Old
Accept the Inevitable
And Embrace the New
This Coming Year

¡Happy New Year 2009!

5¢ Lemonade

There are times I remember
When we'd be sitting on my porch
I'd be playing on my guitar and you-
You'd be singing out your heart
The sun still rises like it did all these years ago

And I wish I could be with you again
Let's go back to when we were young
Selling 5¢ lemonade and going to the fair
To buy purple balloons
When the only thing that mattered was me and you
And our dreams

Now I see a loss of innocence is evident
As you wrap the scarf around your neck
Why did you change?
I can't get over how my friend is nothing more then a stranger

And I wish I could be with you again
Let's go back to when we were young
Selling 5¢ lemonade and going to the fair
To buy purple balloons
When the only thing that mattered was me and you
And our dreams

See the sun coming over the top?
It still rises like it did years ago

ⓒ me

Carpe Diem

Three and a half months left
And I'm still too freaked out.
But my stubbornness might come in handy
Because it's starting to push the scared part aside

Three Years and a half left
And I'm still too scared to know what to do
I want to go out there and live my life so strong
And maybe when it all clicks I'll climb out that window to find the open door

The rest of my life left
And I know I want to make a difference
I never want to have any regrets and I can't help but wonder
If these two things could possibly be the biggest one's if I don't seize them

Because I want to know you and myself better

Travel the Lesser Road

Sometimes I try to imagine
What its like for you to live there
With me here
So far from you

And then I realize
I know so much less about you
Then I thought that I ever did
And I knew more then most

So now you left me asking questions
Wanting answers
Dying to know what happened
What this means

But I'll leave it to you
To figure it out first
And then maybe once you're ready
You can let me know

And Fly Back to me to Pour Out your Heart's Cries

Obviously,

I knew that already

One Two Three

http://ttamie.deviantart.com/

It all comes down to this:
cowardliness
or
i suck it up, take a deep breath, and go

Step off the edge with eyes wide open
See what I'm free falling into
Because in the end I know
Everything will be okay

There are of course a few possible outcomes
Rejection, Acquaintances, Friendship,
Possibly, dare I utter, love?
If I do remain true and open my mouth

And if I do not? Nothing.
None of those would happen
And both of us would remain a friend short
This is all what my gut tells me

I'm scared
Because I am not bold
But then who says I need to be bold
When I can act confident?

Find the common denominator.
Find the courage.
Find the ability to move against the flow
I've made for myself all these years

on the count of three let go. one, two...

Death over Life

http://siona.deviantart.com/

Is it wrong to not cry
When I don't fear death
But everyone else around me
Is making rivers?

First Moment

I think we all need to take
A few more chances
Even if it means
Getting hurt in the end

Here, Now

I always imagined
That I'd look like this
Someday
Maybe

Or if not
Then I look this good
Already
Kinda

But really I don't care
What you or your people think of me
Because I'm fine with who I am
Except deep down I'm not sure
That I really am fine

Unknown

Going the wrong way on a one way street
Looking around won't someone stop to help me
Turn around, turn me around
to the place I should be going

I have no regrets
Up to this point in my life
But I'm wondering if that's true
Anymore

make a place for myself

Decisions, decisions

I think I need
To throw it all away
And just step off the end
And be free to find me

Cuz lately I've been confused
Where should I be going with my life
And I'm not sure what I'm doing now
Is the road I want to be following

Really I think I am
Caught between a rock and a hard place
Which makes me sad
Because everyone else seems so focused

I guess I just need to decide

From the Inside Out

God,
work through me
even when i don't want to
(but you would anyway)

1000 Words

The truth.
How would you like it
If all the photographs documenting your life
Suddenly didn't exist?

A photograph is worth a thousand words
Or so they say
So it's either take a picture
Or write a thousand word essay describing that point in life.

Maybe the simplest picture is really worth the most.

Watch Out

I think
What I mostly want to do
Is go out there
And make a name for myself

Not into the world though
Not yet
What I really mean
Is into university

I want them to like me
But I think for the wrong reasons
But since coming to that conclusion
I can change that

I know I can

So I'll be myself
But if I could still change one thing
I think I'd try to be
more outgoing and less shy

Giving it up

Two Months

As perfect as we try to make
Summer out to be
It just doesn't cut the real stuff
That the rest of the year, to us, makes us free

Inside Outside

my head my head
empty, hurting, aching, spinning
filled with only the essentials
but i can see to the outside still

Start Anew

In the last three months
of working where I do
some of my peers from elementary school
have come in

They all looked relatively the same
But they all looked different too
Like some sort of magic
Just took them over and changed them slightly

The guys were taller of course
one guy no longer lisped
(because he obviously had braces as i did
to get rid of the horrendous antic)

They all had a definite style to them
Whether it was one the preppy side or
a bit more casual or even
gangster-prep-casual

but i guess i came to realize something
after they came in
something about myself
that i didn't quite want to give up

( i realized this even more so after one of my
closest friend's who is going to school with me next year
acts less grown up then me yet dresses not so much like that
and has a more elegant job )

i'm tired of being afraid to do things
and not having my own opinion about things
and needing the approval of my parents
and not living my own life

i think it was the hairstyle changes
that my old friend's came in with
because they all loved lovely
except for the one boy who loved peeved (his hair was unchanged)

and i would love some elegant hairstyle
instead of the hairstyle i have now
because it hasn't changed
in my entire life.

i'm hoping that university changes me.

Exasperate

Sorry,
I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'll get through this...
One day.

My Only Sunshine

I watch the weather
Every night
To see what tomorrow is going to be like
Were you are

Miss Think and Mr. Know

The other day
I let go of all the thoughts
Of seeing him ever again
Because seeing you again would be too soon

And I let go
Of the truth
And the lies that she feed me
These last four years

But then I saw him this weekend
And I wondered as he looked over at me
If he ever did have such emotions
And if I still did for him

And maybe letting go
Was good enough for a while
But now I need to clean up the rest
Of the mess that surrounds it

And then maybe what I let go of
Those thoughts
Will come back just to prove me wrong
And I will be overjoyed and filled with love

And then it could prove me wrong about her too
Because I haven't completely let go
Of her at all
I never will be able too

Prove me Wrong; Comeback

Tonight

I play tonight.
I hope you're sad you miss it.
I can't say the same for me.
I'll be busy playing.

Virtue

This morning I got a phone call
I thought it was you
I was so excited to hear your voice
But I was disappointed when it wasn't you

And this is getting stupid
And this is getting old
Ignoring me like this
And it hurts

Break apart
Breaking apart
Breaking apart
Broken apart

So where do we go from here?
You apologize
But each time makes it harder
To forgive you

Harder
And harder
And harder
But here's the thing:

I do forgive you.

Slow Dance in the Moonlight

A Dream.

Two families. Two People. Two Meets One.
The fear. The rejection? The fear.
Try to sing to make it better.
You can't. I laugh.
Hold your face with my hands.
Start to slow dance.
Music comes from our soul.
Your eyes are the ocean; your hair is so soft.
Close my eyes and rest my head against your shoulder.
Taller than me. It works.
I wish to dance the night away.
Slow dancing under the golden moonlight.
I lift my head. You haven't taken your eyes off me.
How did I become so brave to be here.
We break apart. We must leave.

I meet you again.
Shorter hair. I say I like it. Makes you look more like you.
You smile. Were unsure how I would take it.
Both so unsure but willing to make this work.
The snow is warm.
Try to kiss me. I turn away.
I look at my house and feel judging eyes.
My eyes.
My promise. I cannot break it for myself.
I want to cry; I want to take it back.
You try again and I tell you no and why.
Sigh. Then I do from sadness and relief mingled.
And you pull out a box. A ring.

And I woke up.

No sense. Not Nonsense.

Take it in.
Breathe it in.
Panic. Panic.
It's found you
Running, running.
Burn it up.
Smell the smoke
The flames race higher
Reach to heaven
Look up. Look up.
The smell hits your face.
The rain will wash it away.
Let the rain wash it away.
It can't forgive your sins.

Xanthous

Silence.

Such an empty void
Falling
Crash over my head
Its getting to me, its getting to me
You twitch, flinch back
Take it in, take it in
No sense in wasting time on words
That are too good for your itching ears
Fall Back! Fall back.
Step back into your ranks
The war is starting and you've already lost
Keep yourself to yourself
I want none of you
So get lost.
I'll leave too.

Visual Impressions

Sorry, but I just fell in love
With your eyes again
Because they make me feel
Human

And could you maybe shut them
For just a moment
While I find my thoughts
And my words

Why must they stare
And make contact with mine
And imply things
That should be spoken

They search
I am being examined
My hair, my clothes, how I carry myself, my brand of shoe
Until my eyes make you turn

But I don't think
I can make eye contact much longer
Without a word uttered
To give me any idea

Could you use your mouth and not your eyes for once?

The Beat of a Wing

Everyone has those thoughts
Those ugly thoughts
That, when they transform into something more
They take wing and fly away bumping into everything like a moth

And everyone has those moments
Those moments where you can't control the situation
And when you think its okay to fly away
You fall like a baby bird out of the nest

Some have those times
Those times you can't make it by yourself
Because it's so painful
And feel like a water drenched bug who can't fly

But somehow what if we made something of it
What if we spoke, and meant, nice things when we didn't want to
Or be a comfort to someone who is going through a hard time
Or give up complete control

Maybe we could finally be graceful butterflies

Pictures on the Whitewashed Walls

As a child I wished to draw on walls
Even if it came out in scribbles
To me it would appear to be a whole other world
An escape

As a young teen I read a book
That a girl had painted her room
And stretched across the wall and ceiling
Was a magnificent tree

It was not that it would be nice to look at
Because it would
But even more then that
If I painted one, it would show that I was more than that

Because while I might be cute
I want to show I can accomplish something
And show others that beauty
Is something more then from the outside

Because while I imagined that tree
Or even nightfall on a cityscape
I want to fall back into the beauty that it brings
While it lets my soul sing

When I Settle Down I'm Painting on my Walls

Baby, It's the Atmosphere

I hear you calling me back
Your voice calling through the trees
I'm not far away yet
But this cold is starting to get to me

Baby come in, cuz its cold outside
you're leaving with your life and you're taking mine
Baby come back cuz I'm dying inside
I don't know how long I can make it on my...

My every breath is hanging in the air
Every word I utter stays frozen in this atmosphere
But my lungs freeze over from my coldness
And not the ideas that look like cigarette smoke

And I'm thinking this is the lamest joke
Hanging suspended like I'm leaving you
And my insides tear at every step
Until I run back to you

Baby come in, cuz its cold outside
you're leaving with your life and you're taking mine
Baby come back cuz I'm dying inside
I don't know how long I can make it on my own


Running Back to the Warmth I So Love

Light in the Crazy Times

We'll find out how everything in the story turns out
After tomorrow
If something happens tomorrow
Or I'll be stuck as the loser

And that would suck wouldn't it?

A Tale of Two Princes

I think it bugs me how much
I'm starting to feel like I should know you
And be known by you
And am liking you

I don't think this is healthy
Dwelling on this
When nothing more than a glance
Goes between us

When it shouldn't be me and you
But rather me and him
And why did you have to come into the picture
At all when I was already so content?

This confusion needs to come to light soon
Before I tear myself in two
Because fairy tale's never are like this
And I'd rather not like to be in a twisted story

My prince needs to come rescue me

Mind Meets Heart

I am so angry right now
Logic has no real place anymore
What right do you have?
Because you shouldn't make me feel like this.

Ride of the Century

Sometimes I wonder
Are the slower things in life
Sometimes the most enjoyable and fun
Especially with friends?

I thought about it last night when I rode the carousel with all of you

Reaching the Clouds

Isn't it funny
How we push away things
That bug us or annoy us,
that we can't be bothered with

Its like we want to be free
Living in the fast lane
Swinging with no attachments
Swinging life away

But that is impossible
Unless your mind happens
to live on a tropic island
and you rock back and forth in a corner
muttering to yourself

No complications
No hardships
No rude awakenings
No rules

Well thanks for the notion
That we could get by like that
But I doubt that we'd survive long
And I think I'll wait until heaven for that

Because without all of that
I'd be a wimpy person
With the mind of a four year old
Who doesn't want to learn, who wants never to grow up

But then how could we find things?
Friends would be disposable, not close like brothers
Everything would be a play thing that wouldn't matter if its broken
And then, what is love?

So I'll keep the chains on my swing, thanks all the same.

The Aid in Afraid

Patricia has inspired me

I am afraid.

I am afraid of failing, either myself or others or God because it will show I am weak
I am afraid of not learning because I am afraid to fail
I am slowly learning how to fail and learn from it
I am afraid that my trying my hardest won't be my best
I am afraid that that I know what I should do but won't because of others

I am afraid of love.
I am afraid of not being loved
I am afraid that I will fall in love with the wrong person and realize it too late
I am afraid that my passion will die or grow cold
I am afraid of commitment in love

I am afraid that I will love someone passionately but that I won't be good enough for them

I am afraid of no one listening
I am afraid of my arm/hand/fingers being injured so that I can longer longer play the guitar
I am afraid of the music dying
I am afraid that my parents don't want me to do what I've been called to
I am afraid of letting my friends down too often that they won't care anymore
I am afraid of people using me to get what they want and leaving me in the dumpster when they are done.
I am afraid that I don't try hard enough for God
I am afraid that people will think I'm rude for not speaking to them when I'm only shy and enjoy silence more.
I am afraid that I will not have the right words to say when I need them.
I am afraid of my friends going to hell if I shared the Gospel to them
I am afraid that I have not shared the Gospel enough to them

I am afraid of becoming too cocky when I drive and then killing someone
I am afraid of awkwardness
I am afraid of not being myself
I am afraid that my dreams are untrue and the wrong thing for my life
I am afraid I am 'all talk and no walk'
I am afraid I don’t pray enough
I am afraid that my pride will be my downfall
But I am learning
I am afraid of leaning on others
I am afraid that I will not be able to laugh at myself
I am afraid that I will always be just one of the guys
Though I like to be sometimes
I am afraid that I may crack one day
I am afraid for my sisters
I am afraid for my parents because of my sisters
I am afraid for my friends
I am afraid for myself

When I get really afraid
I come to you in trust.
I'm proud to praise God;
fearless now, I trust in God.
What can flesh do to me?
Psalm 56: 3-4
The Message & KJV

Smash Your Problems into Fragments

Sometimes when everything around me breaks
I just want to stand still
And let all the tiny pieces
Fly past me

And even if I'm not untouchable
And one hits me
Even in the eye
I'd be okay with that

Because I'd be part of something