Inside Outside

my head my head
empty, hurting, aching, spinning
filled with only the essentials
but i can see to the outside still

Start Anew

In the last three months
of working where I do
some of my peers from elementary school
have come in

They all looked relatively the same
But they all looked different too
Like some sort of magic
Just took them over and changed them slightly

The guys were taller of course
one guy no longer lisped
(because he obviously had braces as i did
to get rid of the horrendous antic)

They all had a definite style to them
Whether it was one the preppy side or
a bit more casual or even
gangster-prep-casual

but i guess i came to realize something
after they came in
something about myself
that i didn't quite want to give up

( i realized this even more so after one of my
closest friend's who is going to school with me next year
acts less grown up then me yet dresses not so much like that
and has a more elegant job )

i'm tired of being afraid to do things
and not having my own opinion about things
and needing the approval of my parents
and not living my own life

i think it was the hairstyle changes
that my old friend's came in with
because they all loved lovely
except for the one boy who loved peeved (his hair was unchanged)

and i would love some elegant hairstyle
instead of the hairstyle i have now
because it hasn't changed
in my entire life.

i'm hoping that university changes me.

Exasperate

Sorry,
I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'll get through this...
One day.