Inside Outside

my head my head
empty, hurting, aching, spinning
filled with only the essentials
but i can see to the outside still

Start Anew

In the last three months
of working where I do
some of my peers from elementary school
have come in

They all looked relatively the same
But they all looked different too
Like some sort of magic
Just took them over and changed them slightly

The guys were taller of course
one guy no longer lisped
(because he obviously had braces as i did
to get rid of the horrendous antic)

They all had a definite style to them
Whether it was one the preppy side or
a bit more casual or even
gangster-prep-casual

but i guess i came to realize something
after they came in
something about myself
that i didn't quite want to give up

( i realized this even more so after one of my
closest friend's who is going to school with me next year
acts less grown up then me yet dresses not so much like that
and has a more elegant job )

i'm tired of being afraid to do things
and not having my own opinion about things
and needing the approval of my parents
and not living my own life

i think it was the hairstyle changes
that my old friend's came in with
because they all loved lovely
except for the one boy who loved peeved (his hair was unchanged)

and i would love some elegant hairstyle
instead of the hairstyle i have now
because it hasn't changed
in my entire life.

i'm hoping that university changes me.

Exasperate

Sorry,
I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'll get through this...
One day.

My Only Sunshine

I watch the weather
Every night
To see what tomorrow is going to be like
Were you are

Miss Think and Mr. Know

The other day
I let go of all the thoughts
Of seeing him ever again
Because seeing you again would be too soon

And I let go
Of the truth
And the lies that she feed me
These last four years

But then I saw him this weekend
And I wondered as he looked over at me
If he ever did have such emotions
And if I still did for him

And maybe letting go
Was good enough for a while
But now I need to clean up the rest
Of the mess that surrounds it

And then maybe what I let go of
Those thoughts
Will come back just to prove me wrong
And I will be overjoyed and filled with love

And then it could prove me wrong about her too
Because I haven't completely let go
Of her at all
I never will be able too

Prove me Wrong; Comeback

Tonight

I play tonight.
I hope you're sad you miss it.
I can't say the same for me.
I'll be busy playing.

Virtue

This morning I got a phone call
I thought it was you
I was so excited to hear your voice
But I was disappointed when it wasn't you

And this is getting stupid
And this is getting old
Ignoring me like this
And it hurts

Break apart
Breaking apart
Breaking apart
Broken apart

So where do we go from here?
You apologize
But each time makes it harder
To forgive you

Harder
And harder
And harder
But here's the thing:

I do forgive you.